“Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you are good enough, self-compassion asks ‘What’s good for you?”
Kristin Neff
We have a tendency in dominant culture to depend on our roles as our identity, whether that be our roles at work, as partners, as parents, etc., so it can be helpful to challenge that tendency in yourself in order to get clear about what is true beneath the roles you have and the ways in which you support others.
As a check-in on what’s true in this moment, list the ways in which you support others, and the roles you fulfill.
For many, it is easy to get swept up into the identity of wife, mother, professional, etc. and it can be hard to remember who we are at our core. Think about who you truly are underneath those roles you have listed and make a note to yourself of some key aspect of your true essence that doesn’t often get expressed. This could be joyfulness, goofiness, serenity or countless others. Consider how you might express this part of yourself more fully.
Start with awareness and get grounded. Then, take a few moments to identify and reflect on your core values. Pick three to five that feel most important to you and write them down. These are your core needs. Some examples are belonging, acknowledgment, courage, clarity, and empowerment.
Now that you are clear on your core needs, you can turn towards evaluating how you are or are not getting your needs met. Also, you are practicing the important skill of knowing and naming needs, which is useful as you go about your day and about your life. What we most need is intricately tied to what is most challenging.