Recently, I have re-adopted a practice where I get into a state of deep gratitude for whatever I can authentically call to my awareness — with a felt sense of fullness and appreciation. When I am at my most grounded, I get to imbibe in the rich truth that I am grateful for every experience of my life — the uplifting, the perplexing, the damaging and the tragic, alike. The wisdom of this perspective is that every individual whose existence has influenced and contributed to my own experience, has led to what life looks like for me today. For that I am grateful, because it is from this moment that I live in alignment, with access to more wisdom.
For years, I attributed my dedication to the nonprofit sector as my chosen career, to my Dad’s demonstration of volunteerism from an early age. He was a part of local civic groups that supported the youth sports teams, so I’d often find him behind the concession stand counter during my many fastpitch games at the local baseball field. He volunteered for the youth leadership development group, which meant he organized the pine derby events that my brother took part in for many years. He was involved in setting up local blood donation drives, which began my journey as a lifelong blood donor. And, along with his mother, my grandmother, he would annually be found at the gift wrapping booth inside our local mall, where the donations received went to support local folks with disabilities. Wrapping gifts at this booth myself was my first real volunteer gig and I loved it. By his example, I had build a framework of how to learn about life and how to give of myself in community: school, work and volunteering. My dad was the personification of my internal motivator — the wise man.
When I went away to college, I first got a job, then focused on where I would volunteer. When considering where to focus after completing my undergraduate degree, I realized how strongly this frame had taken hold, largely without my really noticing it. I had a job in my field of study, working in a research lab on campus. I also had a meaningful volunteer position with an organization that provided a treatment hotline for those living with HIV, which I found largely put me in touch with men living in prisons around the country, doing what they could to acquire fact-based information and resources to manage their health and plan for their futures. I felt I that was still collecting knowledge and I didn’t yet feel done with the education aspect of my life, so I considered pursuing a graduate degree. I found resonance in getting a Masters degree in nonprofit management. It felt like the right way to weave together employment and contribution to improving things in this earthly existence. I saw the degree as a mechanism to gathering the wisdom I would need to make a positive contribution to life.
What I didn’t yet grasp at that time was that I absolutely idolized knowledge and wisdom. I had lived a paradox of being a smart young girl, often called a ‘nerd’ due to having good grades, but I didn’t see myself as having any knowledge of value, so I found ways to endlessly pursue it. Carl Jung’s archetype of the collective unconscious defines the wise man as a personification of the masculine spirit that is looked to as a source of authority. This was my way: I sought out information and I sought out people that fit this archetype, as I revered knowledge. Relatedly, I had the unconscious belief that I needed to go outside of myself to acquire it. It would take me decades of seeking, struggle and strife to build up the external credibility I thought I needed to believe that I might have something to offer, within me.
After many years working my way up to a level of demonstrated competency and inner confidence, I pursued and landed a position as Executive Director. At last, I could take what I had learned along the way and apply it all to the benefit of the organization. I took the responsibility very seriously and was committed to working hard to be a good steward of the organization while also working to be a good leader. My own experiences had given me the opportunity to learn from a short list of leaders whose ways of being provided markers of how I wished to lead, while others, unfortunately more than the former, whose example provided clarity on ways that I did not want to impact and frankly, harm others. Truth is found both through inspiring moments as well as the challenges of our many experiences in life.
It is because I wanted to be a good leader that I re-learned how to truly be well, in all aspects of life. I had to focus within me on my foundational wellbeing, and I knew that I had to do that work faithfully in order to have positive impact on others. What I found was that the truths that I incorporated into my beliefs and practices are reflected in many wisdom traditions and philosophies. Some were reminders of what I had known long ago, but let slip away. Others were insights that made sense only having gone through what I had been through to reach the present moment.
It is through that dedication to be well in order to lead well, that I realized how all of my life’s interests had converged to form my path. I did not believe that I had created new knowledge, per se, but I did believe that I had unearthed important inner wisdom that I had needed and I could see others around me needed it too. So, I decided to write a book in order to share it all.
Remember that archetype of the wise man that always resonated for me? I noticed as I worked on my book that I repeatedly let doubt creep in, telling me I had no authority to write such a book, no credibility to offer a link to wisdom of the ages. Who did I think I was? What did I know? Remember that inner work — being well to lead well, that is where I discovered how the wise man archetype operating within me was driving my behavior and preferences, to reach externalized wisdom in others. In truth, what I had been collecting, learning and seeking to now share was eternal, inner wisdom, accessible not to just a select few, but available to each and every one of us.
As the book started to form, I found myself considering what to put on the acknowledgments page, for those that made it possible for me to reach the moment in which I decided to write it. I was reminded of a concept that a faraway friend and colleague had offered to me a few years back. What he shared resonated deeply with me — it is the image and the purpose of a well digger. The well digger’s role is to dig and dig and dig, trusting that what is needed will be found. Though it cannot be readily seen, it is present. Those watching the well digger may say she is uniniformed or stupid, for clearly no water is visible. They may say she is delusional, just keeping herself occupied with grandiose notions.
However, the well digger is a believer, even when those around do not believe that water, the resource most precious to life, will come to them. The well digger continues to dig, until the moment when they have made contact. Then, they quickly get out of the way, so that the water may rush in. The water is always there — the well digger is literally just unearthing it, helping to improve access to it, so that all around may enjoy the bounty that it brings. This has actually become my embodiment of leadership — I dig and dig until everything needed by those around me arises and I can back away.
I long sought and collected wisdom from others, collecting information and seeking input — books, podcasts, articles, videos, quotes, lessons in story, etc. Eventually, I found convergence — the truths that I so regularly sought, again and again, in the external experience were within me. What’s true for me now is that I let my inner wise man, my inner philosopher, live within me, and express through me, no longer looking for him in my external experience.
Just as the water rushes in, perhaps when least expected, so too does the wisdom within. Whose wisdom do you seek? What would it take for you to trust the wisdom arising within you?
Each of us has access to this wisdom. We are all interconnected such that wisdom unearthed by one becomes a resource for those nearby. Once that inner source is tapped, it is available to any who thirsts.
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