Looking back upon your life, what did you pretend to not want?
When I considered this question recently, what I came up with was pretending to no want or need to openly express myself through movement. Spontaneous and creative movement was unpredictable and full of feeling. I had picked up a notion that I told myself: in order to be acceptable, I need to be more serious and operate within a confined, more predictable space.
From the small, influenceable age of four, I have been a dancer. Imagine what such a limiting belief does to restrain a girl and later a woman who is meant to move with the flow of emotion, to feel fully with her body how to make and take up space. Instead, it meant that I was rigid and controlled. I could dance comfortably only if I knew exactly how to do the moves or had the choreography perfectly memorized. It meant that I could feel myself holding back the energy, like horses pushing against the closed gate, when listening to music, stories or visuals that truly moved me, emotionally. This stifling of expression serves no one, except perhaps those that indoctrinated me with the message that girls should be quiet and still, not a bother and not a spectacle. So, living small, pretending to not want to be moved, does not serve me.
What have you pretended to not want? What are you losing when you live smaller in this way?
Who you truly are, matters. Who you are, truly matters. You are the only you there is. Your ultimate purpose is intricately related to who you are at your core, your true essence. It is time to let go of living small. It is time to shine brighter and serve better by standing in the truth of who you are, what you need and what you are here to do.
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